{"id":281848,"date":"2025-06-08T16:48:52","date_gmt":"2025-06-08T16:48:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/ready-to-have-kids-6-questions-to-see-if-youre-ready-to-be-a-mom\/"},"modified":"2025-06-08T16:48:52","modified_gmt":"2025-06-08T16:48:52","slug":"ready-to-have-kids-6-questions-to-see-if-youre-ready-to-be-a-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=281848","title":{"rendered":"Ready to Have Kids? 6 Questions to See if You’re Ready to Be a Mom"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/p>\n

\n

Wondering if you\u2019re ready to have kids? How I knew I was ready to become a mom<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Growing up, did you ever have an ideal age you wanted to get married and have your first baby?<\/p>\n

I remember talking about the \u201cideal age\u201d with my friends back in high school.<\/p>\n

We would graduate from college, work a few years, and earn money first.<\/p>\n

Then we would settle down and have babies.<\/p>\n

Most of my friends agreed that we would be married by twenty-six and have our first baby by twenty-eight.<\/p>\n

Now looking back, I smile and shake my head at how innocent, niave, and SO SO wrong I was.<\/p>\n

How could I predict or dictate God\u2019s plans and timing for my life?<\/p>\n

Neither of my marriage or baby-making goals happened in my 20s.<\/p>\n

And while it was hard turning 30 without those life accomplishments, I\u2019m so grateful for it now.<\/p>\n

God showed me I wasn\u2019t ready for a husband or a baby in my 20s.<\/p>\n

(Thank God I didn\u2019t marry or get pregnant with the guys I thought were the one before I met my husband!)<\/p>\n

But even after I got married and approached my mid-30s, I still didn\u2019t feel ready to have kids.<\/p>\n

Was something wrong with me?<\/p>\n

Why didn\u2019t I want to have kids right away like all the other Christian moms on Instagram?<\/p>\n

Deciding when or if you\u2019re ready to become a mom is such a personal decision, but I wanted to share the questions and fears I wrestled with.<\/p>\n

And yes, I said fear.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I feel guilty admitting I was afraid to have kids when so many women around me couldn\u2019t wait to get pregnant.<\/p>\n

My biggest fear was how a baby would change my life.<\/p>\n

What would happen to my career and ministry?<\/p>\n

Would I still have time to write?<\/p>\n

What would happen to my body?<\/p>\n

Would I still have time to do other things I enjoyed, like going to the beach or hiking whenever I wanted?<\/p>\n

Before my husband and I got married, we had already talked about how we would manage childcare and work.<\/p>\n

I would stay home when we had a baby and my husband would continue working full-time.<\/p>\n

Most of our income came from my husband\u2019s job and I already worked from home as a writer so that arrangement made the most sense for us.<\/p>\n

I wanted to stay home and raise my future children, but my doubts and fears about how my life would change felt very real.<\/p>\n

What would happen to my life when we had a baby?<\/p>\n

When we got married, my husband and I said we wanted to wait 1-2 years to have a baby.<\/p>\n

But after one year of marriage, I still didn\u2019t feel ready.<\/p>\n

There were so many things in my work and writing I wanted to accomplish.<\/p>\n

And there were so many ideas on my heart to share with the world.<\/p>\n

So my husband and I kept saying we weren\u2019t ready for kids until our 2-year anniversary approached.<\/p>\n

At the time, I was also thirty-three, and didn\u2019t feel like I had much more time to push off having kids (especially if we wanted to have more than two).<\/p>\n

Neither of us felt 100% ready to have kids, so we turned to the One who was in control.<\/p>\n

We started to seriously pray.<\/p>\n

We surrendered our timing and plans for babies to God, and asked God to show us when it was time to start a family.<\/p>\n

We prayed God would give us the desire to have a baby when it was time, and that we would both agree it was time to start a family.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know why God answers some prayers faster than others, but God moved in my husband\u2019s heart quicker than I had expected.<\/p>\n

After a few weeks, my husband became more excited to have a baby.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think it\u2019s time.\u201d He had this gushing smile on his face whenever the topic of babies came up.<\/p>\n

But his excitement over our future children only caused me to have more fear.<\/p>\n

I still wasn\u2019t ready.<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t ready to give up my life, hopes, and dreams.<\/p>\n

So I continued to pray.<\/p>\n

I surrendered my fears and doubts about having babies to God.<\/p>\n

And I asked God to show me when it was time to become a mom.<\/p>\n

A few weeks after my two-year wedding anniversary, God finally spoke to me.<\/p>\n

I was at my church\u2019s women conference, and a pastor shared how she struggled to want a third baby after having a miscarriage.<\/p>\n

The pastor had told God she was happy with two kids, but God kept telling her he had a third for her.<\/p>\n

She was still grappling with the grief and disappointment from her miscarriage, and not believing for a third baby seemed easier than getting her hopes up again.<\/p>\n

But God.<\/p>\n

The pastor got pregnant and delivered her third healthy baby.<\/p>\n

She realized she was so focused on whether she was ready to have a baby, and how a third baby would impact her family.<\/p>\n

But God revealed having a baby wasn\u2019t just about her or her family.<\/p>\n

Having a baby was about what God wanted to do through this child\u2019s life, including the people who would be impacted.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when the Holy Spirit spoke to me.<\/p>\n

Having a baby wasn\u2019t just about me.<\/p>\n

It was about how God wanted to use my son or daughter\u2019s life for his glory, and all the people who would be influenced to know Jesus.<\/p>\n

I started to cry these Holy-Spirit tears of joy, you know the kind of crying when you feel God\u2019s presence and know He is speaking to you.<\/p>\n

And at the same time, I saw babies ALL around me.<\/p>\n

Several women brought their babies to conference with them, and it was like all the newborns were staring right at me.<\/p>\n

After the speaker\u2019s message, I wiped my tears and shuffled out of the auditorium back to my vendor table.<\/p>\n

I was a vendor at the conference and had a table set up selling my books and scripture cards for single ladies.<\/p>\n

My first two books, One Transforming Love<\/a><\/strong><\/span>\u00a0and Trusting God with Your Love Story<\/a><\/strong><\/span>, were displayed on the table.<\/p>\n

And God spoke to me again.<\/p>\n

\u201cEach book already represents a dream fulfilled. It\u2019s time for a new dream. The dream of family.\u201d<\/p>\n

And more Holy-Spirit-tears of joy fell down my face.<\/p>\n

There was no questioning that it was time to start a family.<\/p>\n

I still didn\u2019t feel 100% ready, but God was.<\/p>\n

And if God said it was time, I had to trust that His plans and timing were perfect.<\/p>\n

Thanks to the grace of God, my husband and I conceived our son only a few weeks later.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Did my fear come true? What happened to my life as a mom?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

As I write this, my son is 21 months old napping in his crib.<\/p>\n

And I can see how his birth, and his presence in our life, came at the perfect time.<\/p>\n

Did all my doubts and fears about having kids go away when my son was born?<\/p>\n

To be honest, no.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m fortunate enough to be a full-time stay at home mom, but some days I still wonder what will happen to my hopes and dreams.<\/p>\n

And I still doubt how I\u2019ll be able to manage more children in the future.<\/p>\n

My husband and I don\u2019t have family in San Diego, so some days raising a baby feels SO HARD.<\/p>\n

And due to personal reasons, daycare isn\u2019t an option for us right now.<\/p>\n

Since we don\u2019t have a lot of childcare support, I don\u2019t have as much time to write or pursue other dreams in this season as a stay-at-home mom.<\/p>\n

But my husband and I are able to make some time for me to write.<\/p>\n

I had a babysitter come a few mornings during the week, and I made myself get up at 4:30 am some days so I could write before my son got up.<\/p>\n

And thanks to the grace of God, I was able to write and publish a new devotional for engaged couples, Engaged with Expectations<\/a><\/strong><\/span>, when my son was a baby.<\/p>\n

Some pessimistic people say that \u201cyour life is over when you have kids.\u201d<\/p>\n

But we know that every child is a blessing and a gift from God (Psalm 127:3).<\/p>\n

Your life doesn\u2019t end when you have kids.<\/p>\n

But it will look different.<\/p>\n

Depending on how much (if any) childcare you have when you have a baby, you may have significantly less time to work or pursue your dreams.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t always have time or energy to pursue the things I did before I had kids.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s hard to focus on writing a book with a baby who constantly wants to be held, or naps shorter than expected.<\/p>\n

But my life has fresh purpose.<\/p>\n

Motherhood is a ministry, and raising my son in this season is more important than any other work I could be doing.<\/p>\n

In Matthew 16:25, Jesus says, \u201cFor whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was afraid to give up my freedom to become a mom, but Jesus has given me new life and meaning.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t always feel like my work matters when I\u2019m changing diapers, meal-prepping, or cleaning the highchair multiple times a day, but this baby-raising work matters to God.<\/p>\n

And this season as a new mom is exactly where I\u2019m supposed to be.<\/p>\n

I still feel called to write and encourage women through the Fun & Holy blog and ministry, but my family comes first.<\/p>\n

Becoming a mom and growing a family has become a new dream fulfilled.<\/p>\n

And I trust that if God puts other dreams on my heart to write or work, that He will show me how to make it happen while being there for my family.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

6 Practical Questions to Help You Determine if You\u2019re Ready to Have Kids<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Now that you know my story, I thought it would be helpful to share some practical factors and questions to consider to help you and your husband decide if you\u2019re ready to start a family.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

1) Does God think you\u2019re ready to have kids?<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Pray and ask God when it\u2019s time to become a mom.<\/p>\n

God knits every baby together in the mother\u2019s womb, and has your future kid(s) birthdays already written in his book (Psalm 139:13-16).<\/p>\n

Since God already knows if and when your children will be born, ask Him.<\/p>\n

God says He wants to guide you and direct your steps.<\/p>\n

And raising children to know Jesus and to walk in God\u2019s ways is one of God\u2019s greatest callings for His people.<\/p>\n

Pray and ask God to show you when it\u2019s time to start a family.<\/p>\n

Ask God to give both you and your husband the desire to have a baby when it\u2019s time.<\/p>\n

Ask God to guide you with His peace, and to confirm when it\u2019s time to start a family.<\/p>\n

And if you get pregnant, well you have your answer \ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

2) Are both you and your husband are ready to have kids?<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Unity in marriage is so important, especially when it comes to a life changing decision like having a baby.<\/p>\n

Pray and ask God to give both you and your husband the desire to have a baby when it\u2019s time.<\/p>\n

If one of you hears from God, or one person doesn\u2019t have the desire, ask God to reveal anything holding you back.<\/p>\n

Maybe there are fears that need to be dealt with like I had.<\/p>\n

Or maybe there\u2019s trauma from childhood that God wants to heal first.<\/p>\n

Even if you plan to be a stay at home mom, raising kids involves both spouses and both you and your husband need to have peace about it.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

3) Can you afford to have kids?<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Babies are cute, but they can also be expensive.<\/p>\n

I think we spent at least $10,000 on the birth alone and we even have medical insurance!<\/p>\n

Even though you can buy a lot of baby gear and clothes used at a discounted price, you\u2019ll have extra expenses each month when you have kids.<\/p>\n

Food, diapers, toys, clothes, childcare \u2013 it all adds up.<\/p>\n

Before having kids, discuss your finances with your spouse and determine if you are ready financially to have children.<\/p>\n

Do you have extra cash each month to cover the additional expenses that come up with a baby?<\/p>\n

Would your housing costs increase if you have to move to a bigger place?<\/p>\n

What expenses does your medical insurance cover if you were to get pregnant and give birth?<\/p>\n

Do you need to pay for childcare if you plan to go back to work?<\/p>\n

Discuss\u00a0with your husband whether you both need to work, or if one of you can stay at home with the baby.<\/p>\n

Not everyone has family nearby to help with childcare, and some families pay a few thousand dollars a month for daycare.<\/p>\n

God promises to provide our every need when we seek Him (Matthew 6:33), so pray and ask God for the provision and finances to start a family and trust that He will give you wisdom to afford your future family.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

4) How strong is your marriage?<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

The foundation for a healthy family is a strong marriage.<\/p>\n

If you and your spouse aren\u2019t doing so well right now, having a baby is only going to cause more strain on your marriage.<\/p>\n

Having kids is a lot of work and requires two parents working together.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t feel connected to your spouse now before you have kids, having a baby isn\u2019t going to fix that.<\/p>\n

And if there are any issues or problems that need to be dealt with in your marriage, it will be a lot easier to work on them now before bringing a baby into the mix.<\/p>\n

Find a mentor at church you can talk to, or don\u2019t be afraid to reach out to a Christian therapist or counselor.<\/p>\n

Investing in your marriage and connecting with your spouse is one of the greatest things you can do before having kids.<\/p>\n

Especially if you\u2019re newly married!<\/p>\n

Building emotional intimacy and establishing a strong marriage doesn\u2019t happen overnight after the honeymoon.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why some married couples plan to wait a few years to have kids so they can focus on their marriage.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re engaged or newly married, I recommend reading Engaged with Expectations, A Devotional for Engaged Couples.<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

This devotional will teach you how to communicate your expectations of marriage in 10 different areas (so you can have less conflict & more honeymoon bliss your first few years of marriage).<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve been married for a few years, I recommend reading The 6 Pillars of Intimacy: The Secret to an Extraordinary Marriage<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/span> to help you and your spouse strengthen your intimacy in 6 different areas of your marriage (including emotional, recreational, spiritual, financial, sexual and physical).<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Note: This blog post includes affiliates link where I may earn a small commissio if you purchase a book at one of the links above. If you plan on purchasing the book anyway, thanks for helping support this blog & ministry \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

5) Is there anything you want to do before having kids?<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

You may always have hopes and dreams to pursue, and dreams won\u2019t go away when you become a mom, but is there anything you really want to accomplish or do before having kids?<\/p>\n

Maybe you have a promotion or milestone at work you\u2019re pursuing.<\/p>\n

Or maybe you want to finally pursue that dream God has put on your heart\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2026 like writing a book, starting a business, or going on a mission trip.<\/p>\n

Or maybe you want to travel the world with your new husband before having a family.<\/p>\n

Traveling was one of my goals my first few years of marriage.<\/p>\n

I waited so long to get married that I wanted to enjoy traveling to romantic resorts with my husband.<\/p>\n

And now that we have a baby, I highly recommend going to all the adults-only, all-inclusive resorts you can before having kids!<\/p>\n

You CAN still pursue your dreams and goals after you have kids, but you\u2019ll have more time and energy to devote to your dreams before having a baby.<\/p>\n

So if you\u2019ve been debating the best time to step out in faith to pursue your dreams, NOW is the time \ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

6) Are you willing to sacrifice your body and time to have a baby?<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

When you get pregnant, you sacrifice your body to carry and nurture life inside your womb.<\/p>\n

When you give birth, you sacrifice your body through the pains of labor.<\/p>\n

And after the baby is born, you may continue sacrificing your body as you breastfeed and wake up throughout the night to feed and comfort your newborn.<\/p>\n

Even if you have childcare, you\u2019ll still sacrifice time and energy to care for your little bundle of joy.<\/p>\n

Motherhood is a sacrifice.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll sacrifice your body, time, and needs to care for your baby.<\/p>\n

It reminds me of Jesus as the Good Shepherd when He says in John 10:11 that He \u201clays down his life for the sheep.\u201d<\/p>\n

As a mom, you\u2019ll lay down your life for your baby.<\/p>\n

You may still be able to work and pursue other desires, but caring for your baby will be your main focus for a season.<\/p>\n

If now isn\u2019t a good time to surrender your body, time, and dreams to pursue other things, then maybe it\u2019s not the best time to have a baby.<\/p>\n

But if God has called you to become a mom, you can trust Him with your dreams and desires.<\/p>\n

Trust that God will give you HIS desires for your life, and will send you people to help fulfill those desires on your heart \n<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

If you are seeking God and want His plans for your life, trust that God will confirm when you\u2019re ready to have kids.<\/p>\n

And if you don\u2019t feel completely ready, that\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n

You may never feel 100% ready to become a mom.<\/p>\n

But if God has confirmed it\u2019s time or if you get pregnant, you can trust that God has a plan, and that His plans and timing are good \n<\/p>\n

With Love,<\/p>\n

Erin Kiu<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Wondering if you\u2019re ready to have kids? How I knew I was ready to become a mom \u00a0 Growing up, did you ever have an ideal age you wanted to get married and have your first baby? I remember talking about the \u201cideal age\u201d with my friends back in high school. 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