{"id":281226,"date":"2025-06-08T10:03:35","date_gmt":"2025-06-08T10:03:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/almost-heaven-mothering-spirit\/"},"modified":"2025-06-08T10:03:35","modified_gmt":"2025-06-08T10:03:35","slug":"almost-heaven-mothering-spirit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=281226","title":{"rendered":"Almost Heaven | Mothering Spirit"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/p>\n

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\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

James doesn\u2019t want to go to Mass. At two and a half he doesn\u2019t want to do most things, even the things he actually does want to do. \u201cI not want to go to CHURCH!\u201d His words start in a growl and end in a scream that echoes down my spine.<\/p>\n

What do I say to him? I don\u2019t want to go to church either, but I can\u2019t say that. It\u2019s the Mass, the source and summit of our human experience, the closest we get to heaven on earth and all that. But those textbook explanations don\u2019t feel right, so I don\u2019t say anything. Instead, I let his protests fill the room as I pull back my hair and step into my favorite red skirt.<\/p>\n

What did my dad say to us kids on Saturday afternoons when we left parties to get to the vigil Mass or on Sunday mornings when he picked me up early from my grandparents\u2019 house to make it to church on time? Or more to the point, what did he want to say? What words did he swallow? If he wanted to skip Mass, he never said so, just loaded us in the car despite our protests all the way at the injustice of it all. If being Catholic meant leaving the party early, then being Catholic sucked.\u00a0<\/p>\n

When I was in middle school and an altar server scheduled for the early morning daily Mass, he\u2019d remind me that I got extra blessings for getting up so early to suit up in my robe and do the sacred dishes. But I didn\u2019t want extra blessings. I wanted to sleep.<\/p>\n

James, who doesn\u2019t even know what a blessing is, wants to play with his favorite yellow truck in his pajamas, and he definitely does not care about extra blessings unless blessing is code for fruit snacks.<\/p>\n

I seriously consider not going. We\u2019re on vacation, <\/em>I think. No one will ever know.<\/em> It\u2019s just the two of us at my grandmother\u2019s Florida condo. We\u2019re waiting out the last month of winter with her, basking in the bounty of sunshine and grandmother love. It\u2019s a pretty sweet setup, with my in-laws one town over and even a regular babysitter here. So while I\u2019m technically solo parenting for the next couple of weeks until my husband joins us, it doesn\u2019t really feel that way. We\u2019re a flock of snowbirds flown south to wait out the cold.<\/p>\n

Lucy, our five year old, is with my in-laws at their place one town over, and I know there\u2019s a snowball\u2019s chance in hell they\u2019re skipping Mass this morning, so I take a deep breath and open the negotiations.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you come get dressed, you can bring your big yellow truck to church.\u201d To my surprise that\u2019s all it takes. James is sold, and I\u2019m out the door with trucks and snacks in a canvas tote bag I found in the closet before he can change his mind. We\u2019re singing along to George Ezra\u2019s \u201cShotgun\u201d with the windows down when we pull into the church parking lot a few minutes later. The parking lot is full already and are people\u2026 leaving? Shit. Mass must have been at eight, which means the next one is at ten, which means we have an hour to kill. So we take our bag full of trucks down the street to the beach to pass the time until the ten o\u2019clock Mass.<\/p>\n

Our deacon said in a homily once that he couldn\u2019t imagine why people wouldn\u2019t want to be at Mass. \u201cReally?\u201d I thought. \u201cI can.\u201d A deacon preaching a homily that sounds like a perpetually disappointed father lecturing his disappointing children, a bored priest frowning up at the raised Eucharist as the congregation mumbles: \u201cLord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

If heaven looks like our Sunday Mass back home, I don\u2019t want to go. Give me a windows down, singing at the top of my lungs kind of heaven. A sand in my toes heaven, a waves crashing and salt spray on my arms heaven.\u00a0<\/p>\n

James plops down in the sand and leans into my arm, excavator in one hand, dump truck in the other. We watch people make their way down to the water\u2019s edge with wagons weighed down by coolers, tents, boogie boards and towels. He drives a tiny cement mixer up my arm and across my back, shaking me from my thoughts. I look down at my watch and reluctantly announce that it\u2019s time to go. We wipe the sand from our church clothes, pack up toys and shoes and walk, feet bare, back to the car, James\u2019 hand in mine.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The church is packed when we arrive, and we slowly make our way along the rows until we find room for two in the middle of a back pew. We\u2019re tucked softly inside a cloud of white hair and orthopedic shoes, grandparents and great grandparents smiling down benevolently at James who has turned the kneeler into a seat and the pew into a road. Next to us, a woman with a stylish white pixie cut in a blue and white striped dress drives a tiny excavator toward James who drives the cement mixer toward her. He squeals in delight when she folds her bulletin in half and shows him how to drive his truck through her paper tunnel.<\/p>\n

This is a far cry from our church back home in the suburbs where the same people who bemoan the lack of young families stare daggers at the sound of a fruit snack wrapper, a toddler\u2019s frustrated yell, a child asking if it\u2019s time for donuts in the middle of the psalm. The same people who fear for the future of the Church while rolling their eyes when the future of the Church needs to slide out of the pew to go potty.<\/p>\n

Cynicism and hypervigilance have made Church feel less like home and more like a museum with a dress code. Don\u2019t touch anything. Don\u2019t raise your voice. Be still, be silent, be solemn. But I can\u2019t believe in a heaven that\u2019s still, or silent or solemn. The heaven of my imagination is more like a dinner party. Loud, joyous, holy.<\/p>\n

Looking down at James, playing in his Father\u2019s house, I think of Jesus in the temple. I think of Jesus teaching the little children, of Jesus sitting at a dinner table laughing with his friends. Maybe it\u2019s both<\/em>. I think. God is here and God is out there.<\/em> Unwilling to be contained despite my best efforts to contain Him.<\/p>\n

This<\/em>, I think, is heaven<\/em>. All of us, together, playing at the feet of Jesus.<\/p>\n

Related<\/em><\/h3>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

James doesn\u2019t want to go to Mass. At two and a half he doesn\u2019t want to do most things, even the things he actually does want to do. \u201cI not want to go to CHURCH!\u201d His words start in a growl and end in a scream that echoes down my spine. What do I say […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":281227,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[110605,97579,110606,110607,110608,110609],"tags":[6335,25773,110614,110610,110611,3989,110612,110613],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-281226","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-essays","category-motherhood","category-navigating-church","category-raising-kids","category-taking-kids-to-church","category-teaching-faith","tag-heaven","tag-motherhood","tag-mothering","tag-navigating-church","tag-raising-kids","tag-spirit","tag-taking-kids-to-church","tag-teaching-faith"],"yoast_head":"\nAlmost Heaven | Mothering Spirit - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=281226\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Almost Heaven | Mothering Spirit - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"James doesn\u2019t want to go to Mass. 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