Triangulation is a psychological manipulation tactic used when one member of a two-person conflict pulls in a third person to better control the situation.\u00a0It\u2019s problematic because the third person is being exploited in an attempt to manipulate, and sometimes emotionally abuse the other person within the conflict. It is an unhealthy strategy that can generate toxicity and additional unnecessary negativity in all kinds of relationships.<\/p>\n
It can become a chronic process for individuals who are inclined to be manipulative to get their way or pit people against one another. Triangulation is often an attempt for people to try and control a situation and seek benefit from it in the form of loyalty or attention from the other parties. It brings complications and confusion because too many people get involved, increasing the risk for the occurrence of harmful behaviors.<\/p>\n Triangulation can be used in a variety of relationship types. It can occur in families, between siblings, or one parent and a child can ally against the other parent. It can also happen in friendships, when one person\u2019s feelings are hurt and a third party is brought in for perceived support or understanding. Additionally, triangulation can also take place within romantic relationships, often when one partner involves a person from the outside to create feelings of jealousy.<\/p>\n The process of triangulation can lead to challenges and dysfunctional exchanges in relationships.\u00a0It can create stress, confusion, and anxiety for those involved. <\/p>\n The immediate outcome of triangulation is that attention is drawn away from the issue at hand, the conflict between two people in a relationship. The third member brought into the triangulation can feel pressured or manipulated as they are brought into the conflict. One party in the triangle ends up feeling rejected or excluded from the alliance formed.<\/p>\n Additionally, the third person may be an inappropriate person to be invited into the situation. For example, a parent becomes a mediator between the other parent and the child.<\/p>\n In some cases, triangulation is an intentional effort to turn a situation in favor of the manipulator. It may involve turning people against each other, making someone else look like the bad guy, and creating emotional confusion in communication.<\/p>\n Sometimes, triangulation is unintentional, or people may not realize the impact of their behaviors. Individuals may employ triangulation strategies to avoid confrontation or difficult circumstances. They may be uncomfortable speaking up or addressing an issue directly with the person. They get a third party involved, yet potentially fuel the fire even more. The type of person who engages in triangulation often demonstrates passive-aggressive tendencies and lacks assertiveness.\u00a0<\/p>\n Some also lack psychological insight or awareness into understanding their behaviors. It may be common to go to a friend for support when there is a problem or a need for support. In these situations, however, they are often looking for someone to agree with them and verify the perceived injustice they think they have experienced. <\/p>\n Creating this partnership can momentarily alleviate the stress of the situation. However, it can get risky as it leads to dysfunctional patterns and cycles in the relationship, especially if reinforced over multiple occasions. It creates a messy situation that will often lead to even more hurt feelings or misunderstandings. <\/p>\n People are often seeking an alliance with someone to support their position. Individuals are drawn to connections and tribes, especially when they are faced with a challenge.\u00a0They want to be understood and validated, so they may seek out this affirmation by manipulating people to get them on their \u201cside.\u201d <\/p>\n Such tactics are utilized more by people who are insecure, emotionally immature, or easily intimidated. Triangulating may feel good at the moment, yet it can be difficult to break the triangulation cycle. Once it is in place, it can be reinforced in an unhealthy way, creating more complicated and polarizing behaviors in the relationships.<\/p>\n Triangulation is often commonly associated with being a tactic used by people with personality disorders, most notably narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). In these types of cases, the person with NPD is trying to draw attention to themselves or establish their superiority over the other person in the conflict. While the use of triangulation is a textbook example of narcissistic behavior, it\u2019s worth noting that it is not exclusive to them.<\/p>\n Gaining awareness of these potential dynamics is critical.\u00a0If you feel the need to reach out and call someone when you are in a contentious situation, pause first.\u00a0Try not to bring in additional parties when you feel you have been wronged. Watch for a tendency to replay victim-like thoughts. If you catch yourself feeling like the victim, take inventory and try to redirect. Keep as few people as possible in the conversation. Try not to have side conversations, yet communicate directly with the person.\u00a0<\/p>\n Learning assertive communication skills can help reduce the risk of triangulation.\u00a0Consider practicing techniques to tactfully say what you mean and mean what you say, even if you have feelings of discomfort while doing so. Gaining confidence in sharing your feelings with people can be helpful and lead to healthy conflict resolution.<\/p>\n If you or others you care about are experiencing triangulation in your relationships, consider taking a step back. It can be helpful to\u00a0learn how to identify when this is occurring and how to separate from the triangle. Creating a healthy detachment from emotion and the situation can foster objectivity. <\/p>\n Encourage the two people involved in the exchange to communicate directly about their challenges.\u00a0Maintaining objectivity and neutrality is essential in working through emotionally charged or conflict-ridden situations. Qualified mental health professionals and counselors can also help navigate relationships involving chronic triangulation.<\/p>\n Sources<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Karen Doll has been a Licensed Psychologist in the Twin Cities for 20 years, working in organizational consulting. She leverages her education in Clinical Psychology with her leadership assessment expertise in her practice. She is an executive coach focusing on helping people maximize their potential.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Triangulation is a psychological manipulation tactic used when one member of a two-person conflict pulls in a third person to better control the situation.\u00a0It\u2019s problematic because the third person is being exploited in an attempt to manipulate, and sometimes emotionally abuse the other person within the conflict. It is an unhealthy strategy that can generate […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":276187,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[97858,96742,103746],"tags":[25893,103747],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-276186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","category-blog","category-personality-disorders","tag-psychology","tag-triangulation"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"man](\"https:\/\/www.e-counseling.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/relationship-triangulation.jpg.webp)
\n<\/picture><\/p>\nTriangulation in Relationships<\/h2>\n
The Problem with Triangulation<\/h2>\n
Why Do People Engage in Triangulation?<\/h2>\n
Triangulation and Personality Disorders<\/h2>\n
How to Avoid Triangulation<\/h2>\n
How to Address Triangulation<\/h2>\n
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![\"Karen](\"https:\/\/www.e-counseling.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/karen-doll-bio-photo-150x150.jpeg.webp)
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