{"id":272245,"date":"2025-06-04T07:30:38","date_gmt":"2025-06-04T07:30:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/kindness-and-happiness-the-other-end-of-the-leash\/"},"modified":"2025-06-04T07:30:38","modified_gmt":"2025-06-04T07:30:38","slug":"kindness-and-happiness-the-other-end-of-the-leash","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=272245","title":{"rendered":"Kindness and Happiness &#8211; The Other End of the Leash"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<div id=\"attachment_25702\" style=\"width: 650px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/BER7115.jpeg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-0\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-25702\" class=\"size-full wp-image-25702\" src=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/BER7115.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"425\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/BER7115.jpeg 640w, https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/BER7115-300x200.jpeg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\"\/><\/a><\/p>\n<p id=\"caption-attachment-25702\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>Photo by Nick Berard, Willie and Lassie, 2008<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong>Happiness can be elusive.<\/strong> I first added a variety of phrases starting with \u201cespecially when . . . ,\u201d but decided that those four words were enough. No one can be happy all the time, but who doesn\u2019t want to be happy at least part of every day? Surely the same is true of our dogs (and all other sentient creatures). I found myself thinking about this while looking up something in my book on comparative emotions in people and dogs, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/store\/product\/for-the-love-of-a-dog\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em><strong>For the Love of a Dog<\/strong><\/em><\/a><em><strong>. <\/strong><\/em>Chapter Seven, \u201cHappiness,\u201d talks about many things related our mutual happiness, including how happy dogs can make us, how our expressions of happiness are similar, how we know that both species are often happiest when they anticipate something good, even more than when they get it. (See my <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/click-and-always-treat-or-not\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">post in 2014<\/a><\/strong> on that topic). I go on to write that perhaps the most important way to make a dog happy is to understand it\u2013what it is trying to communicate, what it wants or is afraid of, along with, of course, keeping a dog healthy and safe.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I stand by what I wrote,<\/strong> but nowhere, to my surprise, did I use the word \u201ckindness.\u201d I was so surprised that I looked in the index in <em><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/store\/product\/the-other-end-of-the-leash-why-we-do-what-we-do-around-dogs\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Other End of the Leash<\/a><\/strong><\/em>, and found no entry for it. Intrigued, I checked out some of the books on top of a nearby table\u2013<strong><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dogwise.com\/whos-a-good-dog-and-how-to-be-a-better-human\/?searchid=261517&amp;search_query=who%27s+a+good+dog\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Who\u2019s a Good Dog<\/a><\/em><\/strong> by Jessica Pierce, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dogwise.com\/dog-smart-life-changing-lessons-in-canine-intelligence-hardcover\/?searchid=261516&amp;search_query=dog+smart\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em><strong>Dog Smart<\/strong><\/em><\/a>, by Jennifer Holland, and <em><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.thriftbooks.com\/w\/the-year-of-the-puppy\/34187679\/item\/58956975\/?utm_source=google&amp;utm_medium=cpc&amp;utm_campaign=pmax_non_scarce_used_nca_22292660096&amp;utm_adgroup=&amp;utm_term=&amp;utm_content=&amp;gad_source=1&amp;gad_campaignid=22296401182&amp;gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkrGJ5oDTjQMVGTXUAR3pxzWAEAQYASABEgIgZPD_BwE#idiq=58956975&amp;edition=61270330\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Year of the Puppy<\/a><\/strong><\/em>, by Alexandra Horowitz. You can count on each of us, including a long list of other dog training\/behavior experts, to talk about the value of positive reinforcement, and the importance of avoiding harsh language and physical corrections. But none of us used the word \u201ckindness,\u201d at least not in a way that it ended up in an index of important concepts.<\/p>\n<p><strong>My best explanation for the lack of that word being found in these books is that \u201cbe kind\u201d<\/strong> seems so obvious. Didn\u2019t we all grow up being told to \u201cbe kind to animals?\u201d But, of course, some members of our species are, tragically, not kind to animals. We all know the examples; there is no need to list them here. Nor are some people kind to other people, especially those with less power.\u00a0 That\u2019s always been true, but it does seem like <em>kindness<\/em>, as a value, seems to be under attack lately.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I thought it might be a good time<\/strong> to look into the science of kindness . . .\u00a0 what do we really know about it\u2019s value? Here\u2019s a study, one of many, that confirms its power: \u201c<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/29702043\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">A range of kindness activities boost happiness<\/a><\/strong>,\u201d by Rowland and Curry, which concluded this:<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em> . . . we compare acts of kindness to strong social ties, weak social ties, novel acts of self kindness, and observing acts of kindness, against a no acts control group. The results indicate that performing kindness activities for seven days increases happiness. <strong>In addition, we report a positive correlation between the number of kind acts and increases in happiness<\/strong> [my emphasis]. Neither effect differed across the experimental\u00a0 groups, suggesting that kindness to strong ties, to weak ties, and to self, as well as observing acts of kindness, have equally positive effects on happiness.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>In other words,<\/strong> it doesn\u2019t matter if you are kind to close friends or strangers, being kind makes you happier. And the more often you do something kind, the happier you are. This is just one example of the value, and power of kindness to others, you can find multiple examples easily. <em><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.randomactsofkindness.org\/the-science-of-kindness\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Random Acts of Kindness<\/a><\/strong><\/em>, for example, is a great resource if you want to read more. (Apologies . . . a quick search didn\u2019t turn up what acts the authors in the study above defined as \u201ckind,\u201d and I\u2019m late to getting this posted. I\u2019ll look later if life allows me to. If you have access to the study, jump into the comments section and let us know.)<\/p>\n<p><strong>For years I\u2019ve known this,<\/strong> and am in the habit of handing out something\u2013an unexpected tip perhaps?\u2013when I am feeling blue. Here\u2019s my favorite story about what goes around comes around: Several months ago I\u2019d gotten some depressing medical news and was feeling down. I stopped at a Subway in Madison for a sandwich, and was discouraged by a long line. But I noticed that 5 or 6 people in the line were young Latino men, clearly all friends. I snuck around to the cashier, and whispered to him that all their lunches were on me. I told him to keep it quiet. I meant it, I truly didn\u2019t want any attention, just to brighten someone else\u2019s day, because, I knew it would brighten mine. (Which makes me wonder how kind I really am. Sigh.) He didn\u2019t stay quiet\u2013he immediately called out\u2013Hey, guys! This lady is buying your lunches!!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>I got back to my place in line<\/strong> and watched as a bunch of healthy young men ordered sandwiches large enough to keep me going for a couple of days. The one closest to me asked why I was doing it. Usually I would have just smiled and said why not, but I shrugged and said I was having a bad day, and I knew it would cheer me up. The guys all got their sandwiches and sat down at a nearby table while I ordered my little veggie sub. Imagine my surprise when one of the guys appeared in front of me with a HUGE bouquet of flowers, that he had sneaked out and purchased from the store next door as a thank you from the group. And to cheer me up. Yeah, I cried. Here I thought I was doing a kindness for others, and it bounced back to me like, well, a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. I could practically cry right now thinking about it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So. My job,<\/strong> after I am done writing this is to add to my To Do list: What kindness am I going to do for myself today? For Skip? For Maggie? For Jim? For a stranger? Just thinking about all this makes me happy. I already know what Maggie gets, it\u2019s easy: A small of bowl of vanilla ice cream, also known at the farm as Maggie\u2019s Crack Cocaine. (She starts jaw chattering if you bring out the ice cream container.) Skip is harder, because he wants more than anything to work sheep, but the fires in Canada (My heart breaks for my beloved Canadian neighbors) have made the air unsafe, so I think I\u2019ll spend time teaching him to LOVE getting his belly shaved to keep him cool in the summer. Jim is trickier\u2013I do promise not to shave his belly, no matter how many brownies I give him (besides, HE made the brownies!).\u00a0 And, he had hand surgery today (carpal tunnel), and needs some spoiling. For strangers\u2013I\u2019ll look up how I can best help the people <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2025\/06\/01\/nx-s1-5419592\/canada-wildfires-air-quality-montana-minnesota-north-dakota\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">forced to evacuate in Canada<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>For my act of kindness to myself?<\/strong> Easy! I\u2019ll read your comments about your acts of kindness and feel full up with love and happiness. Can\u2019t wait.<\/p>\n<p><strong>MEANWHILE, back on the farm:<\/strong> Some days it\u2019s like a Disney movie out here, when I all but feed birds and butterflies from my hands. Beautiful flowers, gorgeous birds, like Rose-breasted Grosbeaks, Orioles, as well as Bluebirds nesting up the hill.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_25705\" style=\"width: 490px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/297326811-480px.jpg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-1\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-25705\" class=\"size-full wp-image-25705\" src=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/297326811-480px.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/297326811-480px.jpg 480w, https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/297326811-480px-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px\"\/><\/a><\/p>\n<p id=\"caption-attachment-25705\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Rose-breasted Grosbeak by Julie Gidwitz \/ Macaulay Library,\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Cornell All About Birds<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong>We have several families of Grosbeaks,<\/strong> and a raft of other beautiful birds. But now, like a movie\u2019s music switches from cheerful to threatening, it\u2019s become more like a Steven King horror movie. Our feeders are overwhelmed with Grackles, Redwing Blackbirds, and worst of all, Starlings. It\u2019s like a bunch of thugs moved into the neighborhood and are threatening all the locals.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/1200px-Toulouse_-_Sturnus_vulgaris_-_2012-02-26_-_3.jpeg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-2\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-25708 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/1200px-Toulouse_-_Sturnus_vulgaris_-_2012-02-26_-_3-1024x946.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"404\" height=\"373\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/1200px-Toulouse_-_Sturnus_vulgaris_-_2012-02-26_-_3-1024x946.jpeg 1024w, https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/1200px-Toulouse_-_Sturnus_vulgaris_-_2012-02-26_-_3-300x277.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/1200px-Toulouse_-_Sturnus_vulgaris_-_2012-02-26_-_3-768x710.jpeg 768w, https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/1200px-Toulouse_-_Sturnus_vulgaris_-_2012-02-26_-_3.jpeg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 404px) 100vw, 404px\"\/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>(Thank you Wikipedia for the image.)<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.allaboutbirds.org\/news\/essay-are-starlings-really-invasive-aliens\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Starlings are non-native birds<\/a> who are aggressive to many native species (they love to eject bluebird eggs\u2013is that why our BB nest up the hill is now empty?) and take over feeders. Right now they are busy chasing away other species, making horrifically ugly screechy calls, and feeding their babies the suet and seeds massive quantities that I spend a fortune on. Grackles and Red-wing blackbirds can be aggressive, but nothing compares to the all-out thuggery of Starlings.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Also in the movie<\/strong> is the woodchuck who is nesting again behind the barn, the one who no doubt last year ate all of my lilies, and an entire massive patch of sunflowers, along with many other beloved plants.\u00a0 (Skip just ran into a teenage woodchuck (also called ground hogs) this morning on our walk. I am so so proud of him for coming when called away instantly.) Add in the unseen actor who ate all of my peas, spinach, romaine lettuce, and chard in raised beds when I was distracted with company (deer, probably, but woodchuck is a possibility), and it\u2019s like being under seige at the farm. The rabbits and I have mostly made our peace\u2013I\u2019ll just stop planting crocus and they don\u2019t seem to care to leap up into the raised beds.) And, of course, there\u2019s the chipmunks, the squirrels (could you PLEASE stop burying walnuts that sprout and send down roots to the earth\u2019s center within days?), the mice, the voles, the . . .\u00a0 (no rats at the moment in the barn, thank heavens).<\/p>\n<p><strong>I\u2019m laughing as I write<\/strong> because the milk of human kindness was curdling in my veins while I was writing the section above about, yeah, kindness. I kept running out to the\u00a0 kitchen window to see Starlings chase off Red-headed Woodpeckers, Cardinals, and the Phoebee mom nesting in the carport. I also am recalling that I am, ahem, a zoologist, who should hardly be surprised that Jim and I live in a neighborhood of many other species whose interests do not align with ours. Not to mention that, like Starlings, our ancestors are from Europe too. Neither has our species been particularly kind to most of the natural world. So I will laugh at myself, find humane ways to protect our interests, and continue on.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Here\u2019s some happy photos from the farm:<\/strong> Maggie loves to play with toys as much as any dog I\u2019ve known. Want a happy face? Go outside with Maggie and toss her toy. (I am so sorry I cut your head off, Princess Margaret. Had to restrict the amount of time I was outside.)<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9033.jpg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-3\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-25714\" src=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9033.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9033.jpg 640w, https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9033-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\"\/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Skip and Maggie looking sort of noble:<\/strong> (Looks like Maggie would like to lie down but Skip\u2019s hip is in her way.)<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9047.jpg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-4\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-25716\" src=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9047.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9047.jpg 640w, https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9047-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\"\/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>There is some good garden news<\/strong>\u2013the strawberries are prolific. And covered with netting that we hope will be enough to protect them from the hungry hoards.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9040.jpg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-5\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-large wp-image-25715\" src=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9040.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9040.jpg 640w, https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9040-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\"\/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Still lots of flowers;<\/strong> the iris are especially gorgeous this year. And I just learned that Columbine flowers are good to eat. They are! They are super sweet. What a fun thing to learn.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9048.jpg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-6\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-25717\" src=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9048.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9048.jpg 640w, https:\/\/www.patriciamcconnell.com\/theotherendoftheleash\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/IMG_9048-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\"\/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>I\u2019ve gotta call it quits,<\/strong> but I can\u2019t wait to check in and find out what kindnesses you are going to bless the world with today. Thank you in advance, and don\u2019t forget to be kind to yourself, maybe the hardest job of all?<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Photo by Nick Berard, Willie and Lassie, 2008 Happiness can be elusive. I first added a variety of phrases starting with \u201cespecially when . . . ,\u201d but decided that those four words were enough. No one can be happy all the time, but who doesn\u2019t want to be happy at least part of every [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":272246,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[98080],"tags":[4651,15232,98081],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-272245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-animals-and-the-people-who-love-them","tag-happiness","tag-kindness","tag-leash"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Kindness and Happiness - The Other End of the Leash - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=272245\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Kindness and Happiness - The Other End of the Leash - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Photo by Nick Berard, Willie and Lassie, 2008 Happiness can be elusive. I first added a variety of phrases starting with \u201cespecially when . . . ,\u201d but decided that those four words were enough. 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