{"id":271427,"date":"2025-06-03T22:32:43","date_gmt":"2025-06-03T22:32:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/how-to-conquer-your-biggest-fear\/"},"modified":"2025-06-03T22:32:43","modified_gmt":"2025-06-03T22:32:43","slug":"how-to-conquer-your-biggest-fear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=271427","title":{"rendered":"How to Conquer Your Biggest Fear"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p class=\"intro-text\">What is your biggest fear? What would it mean if you could overcome that fear, once and for all?<\/p>\n<p>In this article, I\u2019m going to help you do exactly that by teaching you five tactics to conquer anything you might be afraid of. Heights, spiders, small spaces, strangely-shaped clouds\u2014whatever makes your knees turn to water and keeps you up at night.<\/p>\n<p>These five tactics are universal and proven. In fact, last year I used them to help two readers who were afraid of driving overcome their fear over a single weekend, then shared the results <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/pZXzLN2miq8?si=AZgbNR_VVyvcnCY5\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">on my YouTube channel<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Exposure Therapy: How to Overcome Any Fear\" width=\"840\" height=\"473\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/pZXzLN2miq8?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Ready for those five tactics?<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s hear them.<\/p>\n<h2>1. Exposure Therapy<\/h2>\n<p>The core of attacking any fear is something in psychology known as exposure therapy.<a class=\"fn-ref-mark\" href=\"#footnote-1\" id=\"refmark-1\"><sup>1<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Exposure therapy is exactly what it says. You take something you\u2019re afraid of and gradually expose yourself to it, first in small doses, then in larger doses, until finally you become desensitized to the experience.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re afraid of heights, you don\u2019t want to start at the top of the Eiffel Tower. You want to start on a second-floor balcony and work your way up until it becomes comfortable to stand at the top of the building.<\/p>\n<p>Exposure therapy works because the human mind is an association machine.<a class=\"fn-ref-mark\" href=\"#footnote-2\" id=\"refmark-2\"><sup>2<\/sup><\/a> For most of us, our greatest fears are derived from some past <a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/how-to-grow-from-your-pain\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">traumatic episode<\/a> or set of experiences.<\/p>\n<p>In the case of my two readers afraid of driving, one survived a car accident when she was young, while the other had internalized her father\u2019s neurotic insistence that she was going to die if she drove too fast.<\/p>\n<p>And these associations had controlled both women ever since.<\/p>\n<p>Exposure therapy helps us associate the experience we\u2019re afraid of with different, more helpful beliefs.<a class=\"fn-ref-mark\" href=\"#footnote-3\" id=\"refmark-3\"><sup>3<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Not tumbling to your death from a second-floor balcony shows you height doesn\u2019t bring inevitable doom. As for my two readers, I chose a slow drive in a retirement community to weaken their association of driving with horrific crashes.<\/p>\n<p>But\u2014and here\u2019s the problem we run into with exposure therapy\u2014they were still terrified even at 20 miles an hour.<\/p>\n<p>Even though exposure therapy helps us create new, more helpful associations with our fears, it\u2019s inherently stressful and scary because in doing it we\u2019re forced to confront the fears we\u2019ve spent our lives running away from.<\/p>\n<p>To make exposure therapy more palatable, some people practice visualization. Psychologists are known to have their patients visualize their biggest fears and strategize responses to those fears in their mind.<\/p>\n<p>Others go so far as to create VR simulations of the scary activity to mentally prepare for the real-life experience.<a class=\"fn-ref-mark\" href=\"#footnote-4\" id=\"refmark-4\"><sup>4<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n<p>One less discussed method is my next tactic: orthogonal exposure.<\/p>\n<div class=\"in-article-opt-in breakthrough__promo ajax-form-container\">\n<div class=\"breakthrough__form in-article-opt-in__inner\">\n<h3 class=\"form-success\">Get Your Shit Together \u2014 Here\u2019s How<\/h3>\n<p class=\"hide-on-success\">Enter your email address below and I\u2019ll send you a 55-page guide showing you how to develop rock-solid self-discipline and healthy habits that last.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p-small privacy-policy-link\">Your information is protected and I never spam, ever. You can view my privacy policy <a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/privacy-policy\">here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"breakthrough__image-container\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/self-discipline-ebook-cover-drop-shadow.png\" loading=\"lazy\"\/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<h2>2. Orthogonal Exposure<\/h2>\n<p>Orthogonal exposure is basically giving yourself a break from the daunting activity you\u2019re facing, and doing something that is different but highly related instead.<\/p>\n<p>Surprisingly, this can have a lot of success with people\u2019s fears.<\/p>\n<p>Paul Graham, the famous investor, claims that he overcame his fear of flying on airplanes by learning to hang-glide. A friend of mine once told me that he overcame his fear of heights by learning to ski, by standing on top of a steep slope and looking down the mountain.<\/p>\n<p>By attacking related, but different activities to the actual fear, we give ourselves a wider surface area to create new associations and build <a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/how-to-be-confident\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">self-confidence<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>As orthogonal exposure for my two fear-stricken drivers, I took them go-cart racing. I hoped that the incentive to beat each other in the race would motivate them to drive faster and push their boundaries.<\/p>\n<p>I guess I should have known that wouldn\u2019t work. Despite my urgings, both women finished dead last. Which brings me to the next tactic\u2026<\/p>\n<div class=\"content-box\">\n<p>Before we move on, think about a fear that you have.<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>What would your first level of exposure therapy be?<\/li>\n<li>What would orthogonal exposure look like for your fear?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<h2>3. Altitude Training<\/h2>\n<p>Eliud Kipchoge is the best marathon runner who has ever lived. In his 20-year career, he has won over 70% of the races he has entered and is the only human who has ever run a sub-two hour marathon.<\/p>\n<p>One thing that\u2019s notable about Kipchoge\u2019s training is that he trains in the mountains of Western Kenya at an altitude of 8,000 feet above sea level.<\/p>\n<p>For people like you and me, this altitude is absolutely crippling. We\u2019d be gasping after a couple laps, but for Kipchoge, this is his standard practice. And when he comes back down to sea level in Berlin or London or Tokyo, he demolishes his competition.<\/p>\n<p>This is known in sports as altitude training,<a class=\"fn-ref-mark\" href=\"#footnote-5\" id=\"refmark-5\"><sup>5<\/sup><\/a> and it can work for fears as well.<\/p>\n<p>If you take whatever activity scares you and amplify the difficulty or complexity of that activity, returning to the normal activity afterwards will feel easy by comparison.<\/p>\n<p>At least that\u2019s the theory.<\/p>\n<p>With fear, it\u2019s tricky. Because facing fear operates in a kind of <a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/why-growth-requires-struggle\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Goldilocks zone<\/a>. If the activity you\u2019re doing feels too easy, you won\u2019t make any progress. But if the activity feels impossibly hard, then you can become overwhelmed and panic and end up creating more fear for yourself.<\/p>\n<p>So the goal is to find something that is at the very edge of what feels possible, in the Goldilocks zone. Not too easy, but not too hard.<\/p>\n<p>I took the two women to the racetrack and rented some of the fastest streetcars in America. The challenge was to go over 120 miles per hour, more than double the speed people drive at on the freeway. And one of them succeeded.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s more, she said she had <em>fun<\/em> doing it.<\/p>\n<h2>4. Make It Fun<\/h2>\n<p>Will Smith has a great saying:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>The best things in life are on the other side of our fears.<\/p>\n<footer>\u2014<cite>Will Smith<\/cite><\/footer>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>The greater the fear, the greater the <a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/joy-and-meaning\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">joy<\/a> waiting for you on the other side.<\/p>\n<p>This raises an important question for you and whatever fear you might be struggling with: How can you make it <em>fun<\/em>?<\/p>\n<p>When you have fun doing something that previously scared you shitless, that\u2019s when you begin to tear down those associations that terrorized you your entire life.<\/p>\n<p>Are you intimidated of <a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/guide-to-modern-dating\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">dating<\/a>? Well, how can you make it fun? Can you turn it into a little game for yourself? Do a double date with a <a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/what-real-friends-look-like\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">friend<\/a> you enjoy spending time with?<\/p>\n<p>Insecure about your body image, afraid to go to the gym? How do you make it fun? Can you make bets with yourself on how much weight you can lift? Choose a workout where you feel less inhibited? Or go all out and join a pole dancing class?<\/p>\n<div class=\"content-box\">\n<p>Return to the fear you\u2019ve been working on.<\/p>\n<ol style=\"counter-reset: item 2;\">\n<li>What altitude training can you subject yourself to?<\/li>\n<li>How can you make the whole experience fun?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<h2>5. Identity Formation<\/h2>\n<p>It\u2019s at this point that we get into the fifth and deepest strategy of conquering fear\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/why-you-should-care-about-many-things\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">identity formation<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>I mentioned before that the mind was an association machine. Take the sum total of those associations and you get a person\u2019s identity.<\/p>\n<p>Statements like \u201cI am a writer,\u201d \u201cI like long hikes,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m afraid to drive\u201d are all based on associations.<\/p>\n<p>You have positive associations with some things, so you do them repeatedly. You have negative associations with other things, so you avoid them repeatedly.<\/p>\n<p>These repeated and avoided activities then become your identity.<\/p>\n<p>Prior to their weekend with me, my two readers\u2019 identities were in part shaped by their inability to drive.<\/p>\n<p>So I gave them an experience that would reshape their perspective. I rented a Lamborghini for each of them to drive down the Las Vegas strip.<\/p>\n<p>As they took turns doing so, people kept waving and snapping pictures and calling out to us. That scariest thing that had been so intimidating to them their whole lives, now they were being socially rewarded and validated for it.<\/p>\n<p>They can never say again, \u201cI\u2019ve never enjoyed driving,\u201d because they have.<\/p>\n<p>They can never say again, \u201cI have no good memories in a car,\u201d because they do.<\/p>\n<p>They can never say again, \u201cI\u2019ve never driven on a road trip,\u201d because I didn\u2019t buy return tickets for our Las Vegas weekend. The only way to get home in Los Angeles was to drive.<\/p>\n<p>And they did.<\/p>\n<p>The two women drove from the Las Vegas strip to the beaches of Santa Monica. A drive that\u2019s 294 miles through the desert, various towns, mountains, freeways, and notorious LA traffic. They took turns, had rest stops, and at no point did I touch the wheel.<\/p>\n<p>Any fear can be conquered. It\u2019s a matter of choice, persistence, and a little strategy.<\/p>\n<p>But I haven\u2019t told you what is maybe the most important one yet\u2026<\/p>\n<h2>Bonus: Do It With a Friend<\/h2>\n<p>That strategy is called <a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/how-to-make-friends\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">friendship<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>My two readers had each other. They encouraged each other, they kept each other accountable, while I kept them both accountable.<\/p>\n<p>The biggest asset in conquering any fear is an ally. Someone who can help you tackle <a href=\"https:\/\/markmanson.net\/how-to-overcome-your-demons\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">your biggest demons<\/a>. Who can hold you up when you start to fall. Who can lend a helping hand when you need that extra push.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s also understated is the commitment that results from tackling your fear with a friend.<\/p>\n<p>My two readers made a commitment to each other. Neither one of them wanted to be the one that bailed. And so by them both being there, they kept each other going.<\/p>\n<hr\/>\n<p>You can\u2019t half-ass a fear. You have to go all in.<\/p>\n<p>You need to set stakes for yourself and create consequences, and then find the allies and support networks to keep you accountable.<\/p>\n<p>From there, you ramp up gradual exposure. Give yourself a little bit of altitude training and reward yourself for each of the small victories.<\/p>\n<p>My weekend with the two readers was a triumph not because of the road trip home, though that was pretty badass. It was a triumph because we did it together. We created positive memories and showed one another what was possible.<\/p>\n<p>This is what matters most, creating those positive associations. Making those lasting memories. Redefining what is possible.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is your biggest fear? What would it mean if you could overcome that fear, once and for all? In this article, I\u2019m going to help you do exactly that by teaching you five tactics to conquer anything you might be afraid of. Heights, spiders, small spaces, strangely-shaped clouds\u2014whatever makes your knees turn to water [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":271428,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11945],"tags":[13380,24629,3191],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-271427","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-productivity","tag-biggest","tag-conquer","tag-fear"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Conquer Your Biggest Fear - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=271427\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Conquer Your Biggest Fear - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What is your biggest fear? What would it mean if you could overcome that fear, once and for all? In this article, I\u2019m going to help you do exactly that by teaching you five tactics to conquer anything you might be afraid of. 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What would it mean if you could overcome that fear, once and for all? In this article, I\u2019m going to help you do exactly that by teaching you five tactics to conquer anything you might be afraid of. 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