Kids can grow up with developmental wounds that put them on one end of the unhealthy entitlement spectrum or the other. On one end, kids grow up too entitled. They feel entitled to things they\u2019re not actually entitled to, and this can put them at risk of narcissistic behaviors that stem from too much entitlement.<\/span><\/p>\n How can you tell if someone has too much entitlement?<\/span><\/p>\n At the milder end\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n At the extreme end, too much entitlement leads to criminal behavior:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Too much entitlement is usually the result of developmental trauma. It can be caused by overindulgent parenting, when parents are too generous, without adequate boundaries, or helicopter parenting, when parents overprotect and micromanage, essentially infantilizing and distrusting their kids.<\/span><\/p>\n But what about kids who grow up with too little entitlement?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n As Craig Malkin writes about in Rethinking Narcissism, entitlement lies on a spectrum. At one end is too much entitlement. At the other lies not enough. How can you tell if you lack healthy entitlement? What are the symptoms of this kind of developmental trauma?<\/span><\/p>\n At its core, not having enough healthy entitlement means you don\u2019t fully believe you have the right to take up space, have needs, or expect fairness in relationships. Not having enough healthy entitlement also results from developmental trauma in childhood. It\u2019s usually caused by emotionally neglectful parents, parentification (when kids have to take care of the parents or siblings instead of getting to be a kid), inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving by parents, perfectionistic expectations or excessive criticism, boundary violations and intrusiveness, being punished for expressing needs, wants, or emotions, being scapegoated while another sibling is pedestalized, glorification of self-sacrifice or martyrdom, and religious abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n In last week\u2019s Love School, we talked about how special needs in kids can be an incredible protector part, forcing kids who struggle to take up much space an extra push to ask for what they need, inconvenience others, put out their parents, friends, or romantic partners, and have a good reason for being needy. Even as adults, kids who grew up not feeling safe to take up space or express needs may need to get sick, have allergies, develop highly sensitive person traits, be very sensitive to sounds (misophonia), or otherwise develop special needs, as a way to feel okay about making requests, asking for needs to be prioritized, inconveniencing others, or otherwise making their own needs important.<\/span><\/p>\n We\u2019re going to be discussing exactly these kinds of issues in more depth than we did in Love School in <\/span>Mothering As Medicine, <\/span><\/a>which I\u2019m co-teaching with pediatrician and trauma expert Rachel Gilgoff, MD. It\u2019s for mom-identifying people who might have been inadequately parented themselves and are learning how to break the chain of generational trauma with their own young or adult children. Especially if your kids have any mental or physical health issues, this might be a game-changer for you, as a parent, to be an ally to your young or adult child, as a compassionate caregiver and fellow journeyer on life\u2019s learning path. We\u2019ll be addressing these issues with great sensitivity, non-judgment, and empathy, as mothers ourselves who have made our own mistakes in parenting and learned a lot from the process.<\/span><\/p>\n The good news is that even if we weren\u2019t perfect mothers, we can still learn to be the mothering medicine our kids need, as part of their healing process and as part of our own.<\/span><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/lissarankin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/do-you-and-your-kids-have-too-much-or-not-enough-entitlement.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nSigns of Too Much Unhealthy Entitlement<\/b><\/h2>\n
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Signs of Not Enough Entitlement Due to Developmental Trauma<\/b><\/h2>\n
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How Special Needs Can Help Those Without Enough Healthy Entitlement Learn To Take Up Space<\/b><\/h2>\n