{"id":145401,"date":"2025-03-20T09:28:01","date_gmt":"2025-03-20T09:28:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/business\/finance\/591-harvard-negotiation-expert-why-conflict-avoidance-costs-you-more-than-you-think\/"},"modified":"2025-03-20T09:28:01","modified_gmt":"2025-03-20T09:28:01","slug":"591-harvard-negotiation-expert-why-conflict-avoidance-costs-you-more-than-you-think","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=145401","title":{"rendered":"#591: Harvard Negotiation Expert: Why Conflict Avoidance Costs You More Than You Think"},"content":{"rendered":"


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Bilder fra Inventura-kurset Negotiation Fundamentals med Robert Borden og kollega. Foto: Eivind Senneset<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Imagine you\u2019re about to ask your boss for a raise. Your stomach tightens. You\u2019ve rehearsed what to say, but doubt creeps in. Should you be more assertive? More understanding of company constraints?<\/p>\n

Bob Bordone, who has taught negotiation for 25 years including 21 years at Harvard Law School, joins us to explain why you don\u2019t have to choose between empathy and assertiveness. In fact, combining them is key to successful negotiations.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt might feel like a tension, but it\u2019s not an actual one,\u201d Bordone explains. \u201cI can fully appreciate what you\u2019re feeling without ever giving anything up in a negotiation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bordone breaks down his three-part preparation framework:<\/p>\n

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  1. Mirror work<\/strong>: Identify the different sides of yourself in a negotiation \u2014 the empathic side that understands company constraints, the assertive side that knows you deserve recognition, and perhaps an anxious side worried about finances.<\/li>\n
  2. Chair work<\/strong>: Give each side a voice through role-playing exercises, literally sitting in different chairs to embody each perspective.<\/li>\n
  3. Table work<\/strong>: Bring these voices into the actual negotiation in an authentic way that doesn\u2019t make the other person feel attacked.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    He also introduces fascinating concepts like \u201cconflict recognition\u201d \u2014 how quickly we perceive something as a conflict \u2014 and \u201cconflict holding\u201d \u2014 our comfort with leaving conflicts unresolved. These differences often cause relationship problems when we\u2019re unaware of them.<\/p>\n

    \u201cMy best friend and I might debate over Flaming Hot Cheetos for 25 minutes. For me, with high conflict recognition, it\u2019s completely fun. I go home and sleep like a baby,\u201d Bordone says. \u201cFor someone with low conflict recognition, they might think, \u2018That was horrible. Did I hurt the relationship?’\u201d<\/p>\n

    When someone tries to shut down your request with policy (\u201cthat\u2019s just how we do things here\u201d), Bordone recommends what he calls the \u201cWizard of Oz tactic\u201d \u2014 asking a few more questions rather than immediately accepting defeat.<\/p>\n

    The skills you develop asking for a raise transfer to other challenging conversations \u2014 from family inheritance discussions to political disagreements with colleagues.<\/p>\n

    Bordone emphasizes that conflict isn\u2019t something to avoid but rather a normal part of relationships. The question isn\u2019t whether we\u2019ll have conflict, but how we handle it when it inevitably arrives.<\/p>\n

    Want to hear the full conversation? Listen to the latest episode wherever you get your podcasts.<\/p>\n

    Timestamps:<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Note: Timestamps will vary on individual listening devices based on dynamic advertising run times. The provided timestamps are approximate and may be several minutes off due to changing ad lengths.<\/em><\/p>\n

    (0:00) Introduction to Bob Bordone<\/p>\n

    (2:35) Contentious times vs 25 years ago<\/p>\n

    (4:26) Negotiation vs facilitation vs conflict resolution<\/p>\n

    (5:56) Key negotiator skills<\/p>\n

    (8:35) Empathy meets assertiveness<\/p>\n

    (11:22) Mirror work explained<\/p>\n

    (15:58) Chair work technique<\/p>\n

    (19:58) Table work strategies<\/p>\n

    (24:10) Role-playing in preparation<\/p>\n

    (31:44) Rights, power, interests framework<\/p>\n

    (35:39) Conflict recognition vs conflict holding<\/p>\n

    (42:22) Handling power imbalances<\/p>\n

    (50:13) \u201cDifficult people\u201d reconsidered<\/p>\n

    (54:45) Process vs substance importance<\/p>\n

    (1:07:43) Digital vs in-person negotiations<\/p>\n

    (1:14:22) Supporting introverts in negotiations<\/p>\n

    (1:19:10) Multi-party negotiation challenges<\/p>\n

    (1:24:35) Building conflict resilience<\/p>\n

    (1:31:51) Navigating union constraints<\/p>\n

    (1:36:18) Agency and influence takeaways<\/p>\n

    Resources mentioned:<\/strong>
    Conflict Resilience: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up or Giving In<\/a> | Book
    Bob Bordone<\/a> | Website<\/p>\n

    \"listen\"subscribe<\/a><\/p>\n\n

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